


Boulevard of Broken Dreams

by Kelly_Namikaze



Series: Jason's Trainwreck [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Jay is just really depressed, Multi, Self-Hatred, self neglect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 07:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15359835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_Namikaze/pseuds/Kelly_Namikaze
Summary: He was surprised that he was functioning as well as he was. Although, he hadn’t really thought too hard on it, just trying to get away. Get away, before the whole family knew that he wasn’t good enough once more.Not good enough for Willis.Not good enough for Bruce.Not good enough for Dick.





	Boulevard of Broken Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I am back in the red hood fandom. I had taken a short vacation to some other fandoms to try and get over my writers block, and I finally managed to write something. This one is all about how our Jay is coping after Dick. Please enjoy and don't forget to review!

_ I walk a lonely road _

_ The only one that I have ever known _

Jason leaned up against the wall of a random building in Vegas, lighting up a cigarette under the neon lights. The stark contrast from the gloomy streets of Gotham calmed him, as it was a place where he could hide from the Bats, if only for a short while. 

_ Don't know where it goes _

_ But it's only me, and I walk alone _

It was an amazing thing, the strip in Las Vegas. So many people, and so many people looked alone, lost. He snorted as he heard a cry of joy from one of the various casinos. “Just a bunch of strays, guess I know why I’m here.” He mumbled to himself.

_ I walk this empty street _

_ On the boulevard of broken dreams _

The young man shook his head at these thoughts, before turning and walking down one of the more empty alleys to clear his head. 

That was a mistake.

All that seemed to accomplish was him thinking about Grayson.

_ Where the city sleeps _

Here’s the thing, Jason knew that he deserved to be alone, but was it too much to ask for something? Was it too much for him to ask the gods to keep something good for more than a year?

Apparently, it had been.

_ I walk alone, I walk alone _

_ My shadow's the only one that walks beside me _

He took a long drag from his cigarette, before stubbing it out on the wall beside him. He was drained. He hadn’t slept since leaving Gotham, which was about a week ago, if you don’t count the occasional catnap. After all, how do you sleep when one of the very few people you trust tricks you, for not the first, but the second time?

_ My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating _

_ Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me _

He was surprised that he was functioning as well as he was. Although, he hadn’t really thought too hard on it, just trying to get away. Get away, before the whole family knew that he wasn’t good enough once more.

Not good enough for Willis.

Not good enough for Bruce.

Not good enough for Dick.

_ Till then I walk alone _

_ Ah ah ah ah ah _

Jason wandered around the streets of Vegas for quite some time, too busy hating himself to realize the passage of time until the first rays of light started to filter over the horizon. Knowing that he should get back to the hotel, he made his way back to one of the more shady hotels.

_ I'm walking down the line _

_ That divides me somewhere in my mind _

Jason flopped backwards onto the mattress as soon as he had locked the door, still mentally torturing himself. He just laid there, worn out and heartbroken. He knew that he should get out of bed and get some water, maybe some food, but he just couldn’t, couldn’t do anything except lay there and analyze everything that he ever did wrong from the moment he met Richard.

_ On the border line of the edge _

_ And where I walk alone _

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was appreciative of the fact he had booked this room for two weeks, and didn’t have to worry about room service. Jason just wanted to be alone, just be alone, he thought to himself as his eyes fluttered shut, no longer able to force them open.

_ Read between the lines _

_ What's fucked up and everything's all right _

_ Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive _

“-odd! Todd!  _ Jason!”  _ Jason groaned as he heard a familiar voice yell at him. They immediately stopped talking, and when Jason finally opened his eyes, Damian, in full Robin gear stood over him, the kids face scrunched up into one of, concern?

“I-” When he tried to speak, it came out as more of a croak. Damian made a face at his older brother and walked over to the tap, coming back a moment later.

“Here, drink. Drake and Brown will be back momentarily with food.” The commanding tone made Jason give a weak smirk as he did as he was told. It took him until he was done his glass for what was just said to sink in.

_ My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating _

_ Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me _

Jason’s eyes widened as he looked back at Damian. “Hold on kiddo, what are you doing here? And for that matter what are Timbers and Steph doing here? And how did you get here?” He was getting louder as he talked, working himself into a panic as he went on. “Does Bruce know you’re here? Does gr-Grayson know you’re here?” He berated himself for stumbling over Dick’s name.

“Todd, calm down. Neither Grayson nor Father are aware of our whereabouts, Cain and Gordon are keeping them occupied.” Robin told him, and Jason forced himself to breathe. 

_ Till then I walk alone _

_ Ah ah ah ah ah _

“Hey demon brat, we’re back- Oh Jason, thank god you’re awake!” Stephanie slammed open the door, before running to the bed when she saw Jason was awake. She jumped on the bed, wrapping him up in a hug, squeezing as hard as she could to manage. “I swear to god Jay, if you do that again I’m going to hurt you.”

Jason just patted her back slightly, looking up and seeing Tim standing with a few grocery bags at the foot of the bed. “And I’ll help if you pull a stunt like this again. When we found you, your breath was so shallow we almost thought you were in a coma.”

_ Ah ah ah ah ah _

_ I walk this empty street _

Jason blinked at this, feeling a slight pang of guilt for putting them through that. He just sat there for a moment, already falling back into hating himself, when there was suddenly a slap to the side of his cheek. “Todd!”

Jason shook his head. “What’s up kiddo?” He asked. 

Damian frowned for a moment, but it quickly went back to his usual scowl. “Go take a shower while Brown prepares some food. You reek.”

Jason nodded, and slowly rose, collecting the things he needed for his shower before disappearing into the bathroom. Jason pretended he couldn’t hear the worried talking as he mechanically stripped and got into the shower. As the water pounded down onto him, water as hot as he could physically handle, he realized that while he didn’t know how to be okay, he knew how to pretend to be okay.

And none of them needed to see him broken, not after everything he’s put them through already.

_ On the boulevard of broken dreams _

_ Where the city sleeps _

He stepped out of the bathroom towelling off his hair, in sweats and a large Tshirt with the Wonder Woman symbol on it. He glanced outside, to see that it was about six am, one of the quieter hours in Vegas. Which meant that it had been at least one, if not many more days since he had laid down in bed.  As he passed the bed he tossed the towel on it, continuing on to the kitchen. 

“Hey kiddos, what’s cooking, cause it smells divine.” He smirked at the squak the nickname evoked from the other two guys, and Jason ruffled their hair in response. 

_ And I'm the only one, and I walk alone _

He plastered on a smirk as they looked at him, Stephanie being the one to answer. “Just some spaghetti and white sauce, since it was cheap and we didn’t bring much cash.”

Jason frowned inwardly, and turned and left, ignoring the questioning looks it got him. He went over to the left side of his bed, rummaging through his duffel bag before he found what he was looking for. He went back to the kitchen tossing a bag at Stephanie. “Here.”

Stephanie caught it and peeked in the bag, letting out a noise of disbelief. “Jason, I can’t take this.” She told him.

“You’re taking it. Think of it as a thank you for skipping class and buying me food.” He told her, and Tim decided to speak up.

“Actually, Jason, it’s Saturday. What day did you think it was?” The third son asked, shooting a concerned look at his predecessor. 

Jason blinked in surprise. “Huh, guess I was out of it for longer than I thought.” Jason of course didn’t tell them that it had been three days if it was Saturday.

_ Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me _

After that, they discussed mundane topics, knowing that Gotham and Bludhaven in general was a sore spot. Dinner was quiet, considering that it was four vigilanties. When everything was cleared away, Jason clapped his hands together.

“Okay, it’s time for you guys to go on home. I got things to do, and Y’all need your sleep.”  Jason said, and after convincing them that he’d be fine and promising to call once a week at least and all that, they left, if a bit reluctant.

Once he returned to his hotel room, he sighed, the smirk falling off his face, glancing longingly at the bed. He shook his head though, knowing he had to move.

If Tim and the others and found him, he was getting to complacent in his sulking.

_ Till then I walk alone _

He was the lone black sheep, and nobody should be near him.

After all, if Goldie couldn’t stand him, who could?

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I know that last fic, it seemed like Jay was going to go for som major damage, and he will, it's just that he lost a lot of steam getting out of Gotham, and he needs to work on getting himself back together first. Also, Damian knows somethings up between Dick and Jay, but he hasn't figured out what, so that's why Damian isn't shown tearing into Grayson. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed, and have a wonderful day!


End file.
